Some days I feel a bit like Chicken Little. The sky is falling, the sky is falling. But instead of worrying about the sky I worry about EVERY ache and pain in my body. The twinge in my back. Cancer. Weird feeling in my tummy. Cancer. Blurry vision and headaches. OH SHIT cancer in my BRAIN. Ugh. Sometimes it is so hard to turn my mind off. The anxiety is over whelming. Of course I know that stress and anxiety can increase cortisol which may impact cancer. SO there's that.
But in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice I tell myself, "It's not a tumor." I get scanned every three months. I have to talk myself off the ledge from these aches and pains until the next scan. BUT I don't want to miss something or wait too long. I want to be vigilant but then I am living with ginormous amounts of anxiety. SO that is not good. I do try to look at these aches and pains with thoughtfulness. Time to decide if I am Chicken Little or if I need to call my oncologist. Mediation has helped to calm and center myself. IF I remember to do it. I think this is the part of my cancer diagnosis that I am having the hardest time with. My own head game. This vicious cycle of worry. I worry cancer is spreading and then I worry that the worry is creating something more to worry about. What is a girl to do??? Well.....this voice pops into my head. Sounding a bit like MC Hammer and I know I need to PRAY.
One of my favorite bible versus is Philippians 4:6. "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done." I am grateful that voice of comfort can drowned out the voice of worry. It leads me to where I need to be. Reminding me yet another song by Hillside, Oceans. So I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes about the waves When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours and You are mine.....
There are so many ways to get filled up. To create a mind shift. For me, it is through favorite music, musicals, and movie quotes. My mind is a constant reel of clips. I got this. God's got this. Go away Chicken Little! The sky is right where it needs to be. I am right where I need to be. There is no falling. Faith not fear.