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I HATE CANCER BUT I LOVE MYSELF



2017 is done. It is only natural to think about  my year and envision where I want the next year to go. I am so blessed that I met most of my goals from last year; see my blog post crushing-my-goal.  I have yet to make the list for 2018. Don't worry it will happen and the vision board will be updated, I see a blog post of this in the future.  I still need to find my power word.  Last year was 'warrior: Well-being, Acceptance, Rise, Resiliency, Inspire, Optimism, and Radiate.' I have my power phrases of "choosing joy" and "faith over fear," those will not change but I like to pick a word to manifest my intention for the year....... So there are lots of goals and words milling around in my mind. There is one thing that I am going to focus on this year and that is self love. I wrote about holding space for others (I-have-space-for-you) and now it is time to hold space for myself. As I have been feeling better I have been pushing my self and getting quite worn out. I have been forgetting to take my own advice. To slow down and say no sometimes. Some days I get so worn out it takes a day or two to recover.

I hate that cancer makes me pick and choose my battles. I hate that cancer makes me feel sick and tired; I hate that cancer makes me paranoid about aches and pains. There is more I could add to that list BUT, I love myself (most days) and I need to heed my own advice and hold space for myself.  Check out this article: holding space for yourself by Azriel ReShel It is a great reminder for self-care and self love. If you don't want to read the article in it's entirety the cliff note version is to love your self; imperfections and all. To reconnect with your soul and tend to your own desires. To fall in love with yourself again. Like that 5 year old in wonder women under-roos who has no concept of poor body image. The belief is that you cannot help the world and make changes unless you have helped yourself. There are 9 keys to saving space for yourself, according to Azriel: embracing your imperfections, saying no, developing boundaries, communing with yourself, listening, reaching for support, being authentic, being a good parent to your self and develop supporting rituals. Ironically, I already broke a self love key by stating in parenthesizes, "most days." I have gained a bit of weight since I feel better and I have been a bit frustrated at myself. Falling into old habits of hating my body.........but embracing my imperfections is important for self love so I will have to work on it. So it is time to plan my goals for 2018. Saving space for myself will be the foundation. Will this be the power word??? I will be more present and more diligent with the usage of my spoons. Check out my blog On the outside looking in to read more about the spoon theory.

2018 begins with self love and holding space for myself as much as I hold it for others. Sometimes it is easy to forget; as doing for others makes me happy. Sometimes at a price to my energy level. So this new year is about simplifying and doing what fills my soul. Counting my spoons and my blessing. Looking forward to a wonderful year.

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